Religion is undoubtedly the most difficult addiction to discuss openly. Just raising the subject evokes fears, memories of family beliefs and training, sodal judgments, and, worst of all, hatred and intolerance toward those whose beliefs are different.

All three major western religions Judaism, Christianity, and Islam have used their teachings to gain authority over followers, to create wars, and to suppress belief in any religion other than theirs. All three have treated women as less than men. Under all three banners, abusive and violent cults have flourished in the name of family, God, and country.

Religion and spirituality are vitally important elements in all cultures. Neither are intrinsically abusive. It is the misuse of power by religions and spiritual leaders that becomes addictive and leads to abuses. And it is the blind trust of those leaders by their followers that perpetuates the abuse.

Religious authority rarely permits questioning by followers, just as abusive and violent parents do not allow their authority to be questioned. The experience of arbitrary parental authority in early family life may make people more vulnerable to cults or charismatic leaders that manipulate followers for personal power and wealth. Cults can become a form of religious addiction, a means by which people recreate their family of origin: followers become the "children" and the cult leader becomes the parent who makes the rules, decides the punishments, and extorts unconditional love, loyalty, and obedience.

Lately, self-help groups have begun forming spedfically to address religious addiction and abuse. Victims of abuse by clergy are joining forces to prosecute their abusers, even after decades have passed. These confrontations with religious authority require courage from the individual and the support of the community.

Much sexual abuse has been perpetrated with religious overtones, with threats of hell and damnation. Ritual (satanic) abuse is conducted through the black mass or other dark magical/religious rites intended to increase the subjugation of both victim and partidpants. Since millions have been taught from childhood not to question religious authority or doctrine, ritual abuse survivors have a very difficult time being believed when they attempt to get help. Denial blocks their way when they detail how religion or religious leaders have been perverted.

 

The exploitation of religion for political purposes is another form of abuse of power whose roots may lie in childhood experience. The United States Constitution guarantees separation of church and state precisely because our founding fathers knew firsthand the oppression of state-mandated religious practice and how it can lead to violence (i.e., the Inquisition). They were determined to create a different system based on individual human rights and personal freedom.

During the past decade, this principle has been seriously challenged. Religious groups have attempted to influence government policy against those with different beliefs. In some cases, fanatic (addictive) adherence to religious beliefs has led to violence: a pro-life advocate shot a doctor who worked in a family planning clinic; Moslem fundamentalists bombed the World Trade Center in New York City. Intolerance inevitably leads to violence, as history has proven generation after generation.

Religion becomes both a violation of others' rights and a form of addiction under the following circumstances:

· When it is forced, rather than voluntary;

· When it abuses trust for personal gratification;

· When it misuses power to exploit others;

· When it seeks to force behaviors on others through political manipulation;

· When it uses any form of violence (i.e., "end justifies means") against others of different belief systems;

· When it isolates its followers from the rest of the world in order

to remain pure

· When it is a compulsive escape from everyday reality and used to justify abusive behavior toward family, friends, and self.

Understanding and Overcoming Religious Addiction

TOXIC FASTEPHEN ARTERBURN

& JACK FELTON

 

 

 

A Division of Thomas Nelson Publishers

Nashville

 

 

 

 

 

RELIGIOUS ADDICTION: THE PROGRESSION

 

 

 

FOUNDATIONS FOR

RELIGIOUS ADDICTION

 

· Abusive parent, often the father. Abuse is physical, emotional or sexual.

· Child deprived of nurturing. Neither parent meets the basic emotional needs of the child.

· Feelings of alienation. Child feels detached from the family and what is perceived as a perfect world for others.

· Attitudes of perfectionism from imperfect parents. Demanding parents inflict the child with an irrational desire to be perfect and make no mistakes.

· High expectations. The parents are relenfless in demanding the child be what they were not and attain what they did not.

· Low affirmation. Although the child exerts tremendous effort, the parents are never satisfied and rarely provide positive feedback to the child. Irents' addiction problems. Frequenfly, one or both parents will be alcoholics or sex addicts, or they will exhibit some other obvious compulsive behavior. Absent father. A child of divorce may have little male influence.

· Feelings of being dirty. Abuse and negative attention leave a child feeling guilty and dirty.

· Poor peer relationships. Mraid to share personal reality with others, the child feels cut off emotionally from friends and often seeks destructive relationships. Vivid fantasy world. Reality becomes so difficult that the child creates a fantasy world and retreats to it frequently.

· Feelings not shared. The home has provided little freedom to express emotions, and the child never learns how this is done or why it is helpful. 

 

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE EARLY STAGE

OF RELIGIOUS ADDICTION

 

· Extreme stress. Increased stress impairs judgment and obscures warning signs of toxic faith.

· Repeated disappointments. Feelings that nothing works out right lead a potential addict to seek quick fix solutions to lost expectations.

· Miserable existence. The addict has turned in many directions for hope and found none.

Feelings of insignificance. The addict starts to believe life does not matter and there is no productive part to be played in it.

Spiritual search initiated. Out of despair the addict seeks spiritual answers as a last resort.

· Loneliness. Any attention from any source would be welcomed.

· Hoping for someone to solve misery. Solving the problems seems too difficult; there is a need to be rescued. Increasing doubts about God. Wondering if God cares or if God is real, he or she is more vulnerable to variations of traditional faith.

Increasing dependency on others. Association with others allows for delusional thoughts and existence in an unreal world.

· Feelings of guilt. Nothing can be done to overcome powerful guilt feelings.

· Feelings of insecurity. A terrible disaster seems to be lurking, and everything seems to be a potential sign of doom.

Geographic cures. In an attempt to solve problems, the addict believes a fresh start will make life better but discovers it has further complicated the problems. Loss of other interests. Family, friends, and other activities are replaced with the compulsive activities surrounding the practice of toxic faith.

 

Abandonment by friends and family. Associates become so irritated by obnoxious behavior that they no longer spend time with the religious addict. Unwillingness to discuss problems. The individual becomes unapproachable about increasing out-of-control behaviors.

One-sided sermons. Edicts, Scriptures, and judgments so fill the dialogue with the person that all conversations cease.

Faith attached to a person. A comforting person becomes the link to toxic faith.

· Intoxicating affiliation. First experiences in new toxic faith group produce immediate mood alteration.

· Growing attraction. Every new meeting, person, and experience increases the attraction to the toxic faith group.

· Heavy church attendance. Attendance becomes a means of avoidance and a way to be part of the group with little relationship with God.

Conformity with other addicts. The person starts to look, dress, and talk like others in the group. Lack of intimate relationships. Intimacy with friends and family is sacrificed for the sake of religion. Growing denial and self-justification. The person becomes blind to problems and justifies behavior. Scripture as a weapon. Verses are quoted to judge others and justify self.

The initial stage of religious addiction is a difficult one to spot. Many who do the same things as religious addicts are actually involved in a real faith, but their motives and foundations are different. Many faithful followers would be wrongly labeled first-stage religious

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE MIDDLE STAGE

OF RELIGIOUS ADDICTION 

· Immersed in the system. The person becomes an active member, identifying completely with the group.

· Knows propaganda of the group. Many pieces from the leader's writings are readily quoted.

· Outspoken. Little regard is shown for offensive comments made in the name of faith.

· Giving unusual amounts of money. Basic needs of the family are sacrificed to have gifts noticed by the organization and win favor.

· Relates to few people outside the group. Relationships are limited to other toxic faith believers.

· Recruitment of others. Motivated to recruit others to the toxic faith, the addict does not attempt to bring others closer to God.

· Self-medication. The religious experience becomes an intoxicating high that medicates the addict's pain. Each new day is a search for a new religious high.

· Disappointed if ecstasy does not occur. Longing for the emotional catharsis that brings relief, the addict searches for other forms of relief when the toxic faith does not produce it.

· Dual addictions. Other addictions develop, such as eating, drliiking, and having illicit sexual encounters, as the pleasure from religious ecstasy wears off.

· Difficult to handle rejection. Those refusing to join the group are discounted to overcome the feelings of rejection

 

All-encompassing practice of faith. Every area of the addict's life is affected by the toxic faith.

 

· Always searching for ways to further the faith. Every activity is used as a means to talk about the group and its beliefs.

 

Discovery and use of special gifts, self manufactured, authentic spiritual gifts are not used to exploit and manipulate.

· Claims of special anointing. The addict believes God has provided a more unique mission and more unique gifts than the less faithful have.

· Increased pressure. The drive to perform and please does not stop.

Involvement for survival. The addict becomes trapped in the system with no choice but to conform or risk mental upheaval. The addict is totally dependent on the system for survival.

· Deepening denial. Unable to see the price being paid for the magical thinking, the addict refuses to question the reality of the faith.

 

TOXIC FAITH CHARACTERISTICS 

1. "Special" claims about character, abilities, or knowledge.

2. Dictatorial and authoritarian leader.

3. An "us versus them" mentality

4. Punitive in nature

5. Overwhelming service

6. Followers in pain

7. Closed communication

8. Legalism

9. No objective accountability

10. Labeling 

 

Twenty One Toxic Beliefs of a toxic Faith 

1. God's love and favor depend on my behavior.

2. When tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it.

3. If you have real faith, God will heal you or someone you are praying for.

4. All ministers are men and women of God and can be trusted.

5. Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength.

6. The more money you give to God, the more money He will give to you.

7. I can work my way to heaven.

8. Problems in your life result from some particular sin.

9. I must not stop meeting others' needs.

10. I must always submit to authority.

11. God uses only spiritual giants.

12. Having true faith means waiting for God to help me and doing nothing until He does.

13. If it's not in the Bible, it isn't relevant.

14. God will fmd me a perfect mate.

15. Everything that happens to me is good.

16. A strong faith will protect me from problems and pain.

17. God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me.

18. Christ was merely a great teacher.

19. God is too big to care about me.

20. More than anything else, God wants me to be happy.

21. You can become God.

 

 

Hitting Bottom 

At the end of the progression is desperation so intense that it forces change. Mental and emotional breakdowns are common among religious addicts when the magic wears off. Some attempt to take their lives. Some take the lives of others and then their own. They do desperate things because their minds can't handle the incongruity between their beliefs and what they know to be real. They feel betrayed by God and the world, and they don't care who they hurt as long as they don't have to suffer further humiliation. Many see the only way to guarantee this is to die or be forced to be admitted to an institution, such as a mental hospital or a prison.

In the end, the presence of a false god denies the addicts what they desperately need, a loving relationship with a loving God. Unfortunately when they finally put down their work, performances, rituals, and need for perfection, there is often no motivation to seek the true God who could heal their broken hearts.

 

 

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE LATE STAGE

OF RELIGIOUS ADDICTION

 

· Despair. The addict begins to sense hopelessness because the toxic faith is not producing the desired results.

Erratic behavior. Knowing something is wrong and refusing to change beliefs, the addict attempts to fix the problem by changing behavior rather than the heart.

Resentment and anger. As the addict's world falls apart, everyone else is to blame, and everyone else is a source of rage.

· Obsession with beliefs. Continually wondering what is

wrong with the faith, the addict questions, ponders, and thinks through each belief until the addict is completely unable to concentrate.

· Deep depression. Collapse of beliefs leads to the inability to function.

· Physical deterioration. Depression and stress take their toll on the body, resulting in fatigue, lack of appetite, and medical complications.

· Stagnation. Once faith is lost, all else seems lost, and the addict is unable to do anything but obsessively ponder past mistakes.

· Searching for another fix. Other addictions such as food, drugs, and sex intensify as the addict seeks relief from other sources.

· Fear. Experiencing major insecurity, the addict becomes afraid of everyone, seeing each person as a threat. The addict is afraid to continue in the toxic faith system and afraid to get out.

· Financial collapse. Work-related problems and fman-cial irresponsibility often result in fmancial collapse.

· Family deterioration. Stress and distrust destroy family relationships, resulting in affairs and divorce.

· Hitting bottom. Running out of self-will and manipulation, the addict must give up the addiction and turn to God. 

 

Hope for Change

Unfortunately when they finally put down their work, peformances, rituals, and need for pefection, there is often no motivation to seek the true God who could heal their broken hearts. 

Are You a Religious Addict?

1.Has your family complained that you are always going to a church meeting rather than spending time with them?

 

2. Do you feel extreme guilt for being out of church just one Sunday?

 

3. Do you sense that God is looking at what you do and if you don't do enough He might turn on you or not bless you?

 

4. Do you often tell your children what to do without explaining your reasons, because you know you are right?

 

5. Do you find yourself with little time for the pleasures of earlier years because you are so busy serving on committees and attending other church groups?

 

6. Have people complained that you use so much Scripture in your conversation that it is hard to commumcate with you?

 

7. Are you giving money to a ministry because you believe God will make you wealthy if you give?

8. Have you ever been involved with a minister sexually? 

9. Is it hard for you to make a decision without consulting your minister? Even over the small issues? 

10. Do you see your minister as more powerful than other humans? 

11. Has your faith led you to lead an isolated life, making it hard for you to relate to your family and friends? 

12. Have you found yourself looking to your minister for a quick fix to a life-long problem? 

13. Do you feel extreme guilt over the slightest mistakes or identified inadequacies? 

14. Is your most significant relationship deteriorating over your strong beliefs compared to those of a "weaker partner"? 

15. Do you ever have thoughts of God wanting you to destroy yourself or others in order to go and live with Him?

 16. Do you regularly believe God is communicating with you in an audible voice? 

17. Do you feel God is angry with you? 

18. Do you believe you are still being punished for something you did as a child? 

19. Do you feel if you work a little harder, God will finally forgive you? 

20. Has anyone ever told you a minister was manipulating your thoughts and feelings?

If you answered yes to at least three of the above questions, call:

1-800-227-LIFE

or

1-800-332-TEEN