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ON A JOURNEY January 29, 2003

By Tom Ehrich

"Just then there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit, and he cried out, 'What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are, the Holy One of God.'" (Mark 1.23-24, from the Gospel for Sunday)

If I could say one thing to the clergy and spouses whom I will lead on retreat this weekend in New England, what would it be?

"Hang in there."

Hang in there with each other and with your own best selves. As the wild man recognized the instant he saw Jesus, ministry, done right, intrudes and disrupts the lives of the faithful. To them it can feel dangerous. And so they fight back, deploying two potent weapons: fear and trivialization.

Fear can corrode a household. Clergy marriages are notoriously unsettled. Being made to feel small can corrode self-confidence. Clergy are notoriously self-destructive. You need each other, and you need to remember your true self. People project all manner of feelings and self-loathing onto their clergy, but that isn't you.

Hang in there with your people. As a wise colleague, now a leading bishop, once remarked, "Church is the one place where the competent can get away with being incompetent." Hard-chargers in business can lapse into the slacker role. The ultra-responsible can behave like children. People who manage billions with aplomb can dither over thousands.

Church, in other words, is an escape in more ways than one. But see the hunger and neediness that lie within the inexplicable behavior. We are all running from ourselves. In full flight, we do things to each other that don't reflect our best.

Hang in there with your bishop. If bishops and other judicatory executives aren't troubled, anxious, conflicted and hesitant leaders, then they haven't been paying attention. If your bishop strolls down the aisle with head held high and not an apparent care in the world, then he or she hasn't spent enough time in your homes and studies. Draw them closer.

Hang in there with the Church. I personally am not convinced that the Church, as we know it, is what God had in mind. Jesus had little regard for hierarchies, rules, standard procedures or boundaries. It seems unlikely that he intended to launch an institution grounded in hierarchy, rule, procedure and boundary. More likely, he intended a circle of friends, a household like your own households, gatherings of the weary and needy, pilgrims yearning for companionship on a tough journey.

If you can become a beacon for friendship and community, your flock can rise above institution and behave like people. Messy, but noble.

Hang in there with God. Your Savior has come to transform you, to lead you home. It isn't about safety, comfort, complete knowledge, clear or clever ideas, or tidy rituals fussed over. It isn't about power or privilege or any of the other frauds perpetrated in God's name.

It is about hearts and hands, wounded souls and lives yearning to be free. It is about justice - not this or that political theory, but actual fairness and compassion. It is about a living Word - not right opinion bolstered by stray scriptures, but a Word that burrows inside and brings light to the darkness.

And hang in there with your own story. There is nothing more powerful than a personal story told truly. A true story can transform. It is the only bridge to other people's stories. Theories, doctrines and pronouncements are like noise. A true story is like manna in the desert.

The bravest preacher is the one who says, This is my story, this is how I hear God's story, and now tell me your story. If the demons that press down upon us are to be unseated, then a true and Godly story needs to take root. In the end, your story is all that you have to tell.