SOCIETY WEDDINGS AND THE EPISCOPAL CHURCH (2005) - REFLECTIONS
Items have been obtained from a variety of sources, Names of churches, clergy, spouses, etc. have been deleted, so that readers’ attention can focus on the issues.
FROM A LAY PERSON:
I wonder if xxx (the rector) will ever realize he was only part of the "set" for the media circus. …..
How anyone with any intelligence or breeding would think that that was a good thing for xxx church, I will never understand. It was xxx's "show" (and that is exactly what it was) and xxx was just one of the attractive props. He used xxx for his purposes but old dumbbell xxx will probably never figure that one out!
AN APOLOGY FROM AN EPISCOPAL PRIEST AS PUBLISHED IN A REGIONAL NEWSPAPER
The xxx debacle at xxx took place with meticulous planning …. except for the pre-marriage preparations required/implied by the regulations of church law and prayer book.
Thorough pre-marital preparations include unhurried guidance toward a couple’s understanding of the meanings of the liturgy’s pivotal words. In the case of an apparent serial spouse, a certified psychologist’s input is helpful to determine whether sufficient personal stability exists for a genuine commitment.
Having been professionally associated with xxx for five years in the 1990s, I can all but guarantee that meticulous pastoral preparations and psychological explorations were not carried out. The January xxx marriage gives the appearance of having been purchased within the Episcopal Diocese of xxx.
Yet, we gay people do not have the possibility of liturgically affirmed commitments in any of the Episcopal dioceses ….
In the meantime, gay people are again insulted by the sanctioning of ill-prepared, heterosexual excess, while committed gay couples are offered nothing liturgically.
For this unjust treatment, I offer my personal, professional apologies. I am embarrassed by this injustice.
You might ask why I remain in the Episcopal Church. The progress in matters of justice for gay people has been enormous in the Episcopal Church, and I am most hopeful about the future. Nevertheless, now and then gay men and women get a slap in the face when embarrassments occur, such as in xxx.
IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE ITEM:
Your concern is a valid one. There is no equity in the church considering that a relationship that is faithful and monogamous for decades is not blessed by the church and at the same time we have made accommodations to divorced people. One of our bishops has been married at least three times and he is quite accepted, and as far as I know it did not created a raucous like Gene Robinson and his long lasting relationship with his partner Mark.
FROM ANOTHER PRIEST, ALSO AS A RESPONSE:
I figure the xxx wedding to have no spiritual content of any kind: with xxx Church as a prop for the show. It is so transparently a photo op for the show biz world that it should be treated as nothing more than a film company paying for an elaborate scene for some movie.
The trouble is that it IS a marriage, and I can see your point, well taken, that lifelong fidelity between gay couples is not recognized in any way at all. The church is a community at odds with itself in so many ways it's a wonder we exist.
EXCERPTS FROM A MAJOR NEWSPAPER: “XXX PEACEFUL AGAIN AFTER BLISSFUL XXX WEDDING”
………… A quick drive around xxx Sunday revealed lingering remnants linked to xxx's third trip down the aisle scattered throughout (the town xxx).
Arrangements of white gardenias and tulips decorated the xxx where the Rev. xxx conducted the ceremony that lasted less than 30 minutes. Rose petals littered the church floor, though the elaborate floral arch had been removed from the entrance archway.
Gone were the gawkers, many of whom paraded past the church leaning out of car windows with video cameras. The streets were reopened and there was plenty of parking in town.
Some, such as xxx, the church's rector, were able to make light of the momentary spotlight cast on the island.
"This was my evangelist effort of 2005," he quipped from the pulpit. "We had all sorts of people staring at us across the way."
FROM A PRIEST:
The sad truth in my experience of selling the church to powerful people is that we never get a fair price. I am certain the proportional share of the money spent on this affair has left our whore church holding only a few crumpled bills.
xxx and his peers are trapped between two worlds that cannot continue to coexist. This points to only one of several critical tipping points in the Episcopal sub-culture.
The new and emerging church will not stand still and wait for those who hold on to such a foggy set of ethics.
FROM A PRIEST:
It’s interesting that conservative Episcopalians so upset about gender/gay-related issues offer no critical comments about easy marriages for divorced people in Episcopal society churches. What about Jesus’ teachings about divorce? What about the church canons and Prayer Book rubrics? Why the selective outrage? What about commitment to the Gospel and to the Church? No wonder our membership statistics are down. Why be committed when you can buy whatever you want whenever you want it?!
FROM A JEWISH WRITER:
I stood in front of that beautiful church and wondered why – why it’s degrading itself with this wedding. Is it for money? Would an ordinary person in a smaller Episcopal church get the same treatment? I thought it was more difficult for a divorcé to be remarried.
FROM A LAY PERSON:
Christian Churches have been doing this type of thing for centuries. Does it really matter? After all, it’s just another church service.
FROM A PRIEST RESPONDING TO A REGIONAL NEWSPAPER’S ITEM:
An e-mail from a priest regarding the following edited newspaper piece: “I believe that this is a blatant lie! I’m not sure who started the deception. In any case, it's a stupid lie. How do ‘several hours of counseling’ equate with three sessions? Too, for this type of counseling of a serial spouse, a psychologist is needed. Clergy haven't the skills.”
Not that he'd to have his head examined, but xxx underwent several hours of counseling before the Episcopal bishop of xxx gave his blessing to xxx and his bride.
Bishop xxx said Tuesday he granted a dispensation to xxx only after he became sure xxx meant that he'd be married to xxx for the rest of his life. Because xxx is divorced, the bishop said, he had to jump through hoops before marrying at xxx church in xxx.
"I followed strict guidelines," xxx said. "I need to be sure that xxx was taking care of his previous wives and their children, and that the mistakes that were made in the past wouldn't occur again. He and xxx went through three relationship-counseling sessions."
xxx also had the xxx sign a one-page "Declaration of Intentions." "We do solemnly declare that we hold marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife," the statement reads, ". . . for procreation of children."
Said xxx: "He is Protestant. She is xxx. They made a perfect Episcopalian couple."
EXCERPT FROM A NATIONAL NEWSPAPER ARTICLE
Then there was the service itself, at xxx, the stately xxx Episcopalian church. True, neither the bride nor the groom is an Episcopalian. And, yes, a few of the stuffier locals whispered that xxx had been able to secure permission for the service without the church's normally required six weeks of religious training. (The bride and groom, they said, agreed to do it later, as in, "I'll get back to you on that.")
From the report “Accountability of Rectors” (within this subsite) –
6. The Rector Baptizes Children and Adults in Violation of the Spirit and Letter of the Canons.
Weekday baptismal rites are conducted, such that the rector has begun Services without knowing who the Sponsors are; the small congregation of relatives and friends fumble through the Service giggling and with cameras flashing; the picture takers ignore his/her requests to stop taking pictures during the Service. Periodic baptisms at the Easter Vigil and other designated times are much more orderly, but normally with inadequate preparation of sponsors and/or parents.
Effects. Parents, sponsors, and adult candidates are cheated from comprehending the foundational Christian ritual that provides one’s basic identity as a named child of God. Here one is ordained as a minister and is called to live out the Summary of the Law. Inadequately prepared participants walk through the Service with minimal understanding or effects. The Church has become a public utility providing, almost on demand, a “nice” rite of passage with little or no commitment expected. A great moment of religious education is missed. The rector rationalizes this procedure by an appeal to (magical) “grace” given in the Sacrament. The reality is that the rector does not want to offend anyone, especially the affluent.
An Example: A rector has made it very clear that (s)he regards the canons and Prayer Book rubrics as guidelines or suggestions, virtually none obligatory. His/her parish is in part a ministry to the unbaptized and unchurched, a type of missionary activity; lovely ceremonies are provided, in the spirit of a “public utility.” The parish is “user-friendly.” Commitments either to God through Christ and/or the Church are non-issues at any point. The diocesan bishop is aware, but chooses to do nothing.
7. The Rector Solemnizes Marriages in Violation of the Spirit and Letter of the Canons.
Ditto related comments on baptism.
An Example. One rector routinely married divorced people without the bishop’s permission, for “pastoral reasons.” In that State, clergy are given permission by the State to marry people, provided that they stick to the procedures of their religion. Because the rector did not, technically all of those marriages are illegal.