The Eve of the Fifth Sunday in Lent [April 5, 2003
Canon Richard T. Nolan
ANTICIPATORY ANXIETIES
(a brief meditation)
On this fifth Sunday in Lent we have heard an Old Testament prophetic passage which foresees the significance of Jesus' death and resurrection. Jeremiah's message is that God will establish a new covenant expressed in an interior, heartfelt relationship with God rather through obedience to exterior laws and procedures.
The event portrayed in the Gospel reading (John 12: 20-33) is within the context of Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, a central region where the religious leadership would be hostile to Jesus' ministry. By going to Jerusalem, Jesus chose a situation comparable - in terms of danger - to an American missionary going to Iraq; death would be most probable. His radical proclamation of the Kingdom of God, the love of God for all humanity, a love independent of established religious policies, had to be taught in Jerusalem itself.
Christ's remarkable faithfulness, even to his death and resurrection, is a pivotal sign of the "new covenant" of love between God and humanity. However, his fearful anxiety, his "troubled soul" beforehand, expresses an understandable apprehension. It is one thing to talk about the abstract idea of God's Kingdom and another to be willing to die to put that idea to the test. Jesus' anticipatory anxieties surface not because of a wavering loyalty to God, but because of the torture and death he would most likely suffer. He would have less credibility for us, if he were indifferent to a painful death. He was nevertheless prepared of his own free will to lay down his life as an expression of his commitment to God's new covenant. At no time, though, is Jesus portrayed as a victim; he is in complete control of his decisions and had ample time to change his mind. Sustaining him at all times was his absolute trust in God, that his personal outcome would not end in defeat, but with a victory provided by the Creator of the universe.
There are all sorts of fear-filled "anticipatory anxieties," Jesus' own being among the worst imaginable. Very differently from him, you and I may be plagued by fears and apprehensions about an upcoming occasion with "what-ifs?" "What if I make a fool out of myself?" "What if I have nothing interesting to say?" "What if people start to laugh at me?" "What if I really mess up?" "What if I am diagnosed with a terminal illness?" And so on. This comparison with Christ is not intended to trivialize your anxieties, or mine, but you and I will probably never face the choice and the anguish of remaining faithful to God by way of torture and death. Our Lord's fears and anxieties were of a different magnitude in extreme circumstances.
I found a poem (by a Nancy Marques) which is relevant to Jesus' "troubled soul" and which you and I might recall when we are plagued with our own anticipatory anxieties.
My life surrounded, lonely still
My world stops
at my windowsill.
I look outside and want to go
Into the stream, into
the flow.
But my old foe stands by my side
His name is fear. To him I
am tied.
He whispers in my ear to stay
It's safer to stay...remain here
today
He cautions me, "Don't go out there!
Panic is waiting
everywhere!"
Yet, today, I've cut the ties
Turned a deaf ear to his
lies.
With one small step, I venture out
Fear goes with me and lurks
about.
I just keep going slow...so slow
His power wanes...HE IS LETTING
GO!
Just do your worst, I say
BUT I AM GOING ANYWAY!
In response to this poem, we might say, "easier said than done," and I agree. Yet, with steadfast trust in sufficient coping power from God, with strength from within, and with support from those who care about us, fears can be dealt with constructively. Also, when needed, professional psychological guidance and strategies can assist us with our anticipatory anxieties and paralyzing fears. There is realistic hope whether we are facing challenging tasks or even our own deaths.
Will you and I choose to cut the ties and venture out ever so slowly one step at a time? In the worst possible circumstances Jesus did. In our more ordinary circumstances, his command to "follow me" sounds more inviting than ever: one step at a time, as fearful anxieties gradually give way to a liberating Spirit.